Spouse

          The rate of failed marriages in the diplomatic service is alarming. I may be wrong in my statistic but I tend to believe that at least in my country, the Foreign Service has the highest failed marriages. Why that is the case you will ask and my simple answer is the job.
          When I was employed, the question whether I can stay away from my family (it’s an extended network) was not raised and by the time I had to travel for the first time, it suddenly hit me. I remember asking my husband since he had some experience in the matter, when would I be able to visit my mother again? His reply was, after a year because that is when we are entitled to home leave and we can travel as a family.
          If my memory serves me well, I did not visit my country until when we had to return (4 years). There was always something happening but I was able to import my mother several times. However, I did not get to see any other member of my immediate nor extended family for 4 years.
          How many women can stand that?
          Well, this is just one issue. There are various reasons, why marries fail in the Foreign Service ranging from cultural differences to lack of friends to help release the boredom. Yes boredom. You would not think that the spouse of a diplomat can be bored. What people fail to understand is that if you are not the ambassador’s wife, who has a lot of activities to perform, the rest of the diplomats spouses have to create activities for themselves.
          How creative or inventive depends on the character of the individual. Just like in everybody, we make friends differently. Some find it hard to take the first step, while others have it as second nature. For those who find it hard to take the first step, it takes them a long time to settle down in the country of residence. A lot of times, it seems that just when they are settling down, it’s time to leave.
          I have once lived in a country where my neighbors were very open in their feelings regarding diplomats. They would not be friends to diplomats for the very simple reason that they never stay long enough and when they leave, you never know when you would meet again. This they cannot bear.

         Therefore, it can be a lonely life for the spouse of a diplomat.

Published on August 21, 2008 at 9:00 am  Comments (3)  

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3 CommentsLeave a comment

  1. I want to see reason with where you are coming from and for those neighbors of yours who would not be friends with diplomats because three to four years is not enough for a relationship which is supposed to last for a life time i suppose.Boredom boredom boredom,when we are bored sometimes friends help us come out of our shells and make us lively.But sometimes the friends we make could either be bad or good ones depending on how lucky we are.Because in some cases the friends we associate with could INFLUENCE us to certain things that were not accustomed to us and thereby leading us astray or making us better,by and by they are all one of the very risks involved in been the SPOUSE OF A DIPLOMAT.

  2. I totally agree, the rate of failed marriages for Diplomats is waaay too alarming. I dont know what country you are from, but in my country its very hard to be the spouse of a diplomat. Especially the female diplomats.

  3. Ba i want to agree with you in totality,that the rate of failed marriages for diplomats is really something to write home about,but what you did not tell us is if you are a diplomat yourself.Am sure there might be ways of trying to prevent marriages from packing up,like in a particular western country,both the wife and husband are both treated as diplomats,so there will be no question of one earning more pay than the other and there by preventing one party to feel superior to the other.But is it like the female diplomats should remain single or should there be a law restricting women and men of certain ages from joining the foreign ministry,should there be courses to attend,search your heart well am sure you might have an idea of how to reduce these failed diplomat marriages.


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